8 Years Today!

So it has been a long day and today is a very draining personal day, today marks 8 years since my mother earned her wings and found herself back with my father and her parent(s). 

My mom’s absence becomes more present and the void she left becomes harder and harder to fill. These are the times I wish I could sit with my mom and have her remind me that it will all be okay and that we will get through this together.

I wish I could call my mom, just to check and see how she is doing.

I wish I could call her just to tell her everything in life is going and work, as well as  how afraid I really am. I wish I could call her just to hear her voice and know that nothing is as bad as it seems right now because I will always have someone to make me feel safe and someone to make anywhere feel like home.

I see my friends with their parents—in fact, some of them spend almost all of their time with them. They cling to them for support and have a safe place to fall, I can’t help that it stings a little more to know I will never have my mom here again.

I can’t help but envy what other people in my life still have. They have a lifeline and a form of support that I will never have again, and frankly, something I haven’t had for a very long time.

I will never again have my mom here to help me get through the hard stuff.

I will never again have her support in the times I need her the most.

I will never again get to hear her tell me that things will get better and that she will always be here for me.

Because although deep down I know she will always be here, it doesn’t make it easier that I can’t see her, touch her or even remember her smell anymore. It doesn’t make it any easier that she isn’t here physically.

I miss my mom so much.

Love your time you have

I hope anyone reading this who’s mom  or even their dad is still here, don’t waste the time you have with them. If anything with the loss of my mom and my father it has shown me that we take for granted the time we do have; until it’s gone that is when we realize just how much they mean to us and help us.

What I wouldn’t give to have 1 more fight/argument with my mom or my father, but today marks 8 years since I spoke and saw my mother or her smile. So please don’t waste your time you have with your parents because once they are gone you will miss them and wish they were here.