When you feel so low that it feels like there’s a ton of bricks pressing down on your chest; each moment that goes by, the weight gets heavier until you feel like the only way to breathe (ironically) is to end your life. Then you can leave all the pain behind and you never have to live within the worthless sack of flesh you’ve spent your whole life in.
“I smile, I try, but truth is I want to die” Something in me has just given up. I don’t want anything anymore, none of it can make all this pain go away.
And it hurts that I can’t be what everyone wants, or what anyone needs. and it hurts that I can’t be what I want, or what I need because I’m not enough and I won’t be enough. I’ll never be close to enough and I’m just so dam tired. I’m so broken that I can feel it. I mean physically feel it. This is so much more than being sad now. This is affecting my whole body.
Sometimes I wish I could fade away, and disappear, stop feeling anything at all and cease to exist. I’m good at putting on a smile and being happy but, behind all that I’m really just barley holding on. Don’t be surprised when I disappear.